kokyreforest | Let's visit the LinLinBunny Cafe

[ Leave it to the Bunny to find his own kind.

However, fortune begins to smile upon them as they ascend the stairs. The higher they go, the more pictures of rabbits and bunnies and carrots and other such rabbit related materials are hung on the walls. Ivan starts to calm down. They are in the right place now.

At the third floor, there is a big, brightly colored sign saying "Welcome to Stern Bild's 1st Bunny Cafe!! /('x')\" ]

It seems as though we've managed to find it.

[ Is that a bunny emoticon? Barnaby isn't sure that his dignity can handle him asking that question, so he decides that it might be in his best interests to leave it alone. Instead he decides to take the lead and go inside, even if his misgivings are growing.

His instincts were probably trying to tell him something. Especially since they immediately start cooing over "Barnaby Brooks Jr. is here!"

Dammit. ]

[The employees immediately start arguing amongst themselves about who gets to talk to him first, complete with someone attempting to just walk away to greet Barnaby only to be yanked back by someone else. Eventually they settle things with rock-paper-scissors, and the winner strolls triumphantly up to Barnaby and his companions with a bright smile on her face. After an overly-enthusiastic greeting (including multiple breathless exclamations about how wonderful it was that he deigned to visit their humble little cafe), she explains house rules and then the pricing system: $7.00 per person for half an hour and $11 per person for a full hour, with unlimited drink refills included in each.

Pao-Lin glances at Barnaby and Ivan.] How long do you think we should stay?

[She's leaning towards the $11 option, herself. She doesn't have anything else to do today, unless (knock on wood) they're all summoned for an episode of HeroTV.]

[ Ivan already feels bad for Barnaby. He hadn't thought about this happening, but as his senior, maybe he should have. Also looking to Barnaby, he thinks he'll go with whatever Barnaby can handle.

Not the bunnies but the employees. Personally, Ivan thinks a half hour might be too short, but an hour in the presence of overactive fangirls might be too much. ]

Ah! Bunny.

[ He refers to the very cute lop eared rabbit that has just hopped its way to the gate from the entrance to the seating/petting area. He's not calling Barnaby "Bunny" but the heroes know that he's been conditioned to answer to that name.

An employee laughs. "Of course there are bunnies here. It's a Bunny Cafe!" ]

[ It’s probably a good thing that Barnaby has perfected the art of smiling in the face of adversity. He’s used to fans being rather… enthusiastic, but even this is on a whole other level. He tries his best to simply be polite and respectful, which only gives them more to giggle about. Perhaps he should have stayed outside… the others didn’t need to put up with this. ]

Per hour should be fine, don’t you think?

[ If it becomes too overbearing, he can pretend he has to go to an interview…

It also takes all of his self-control not to react when Ivan addresses the other bunny, too. What a terrible habit this is. ]

["Right this way, then!" the employee says, guiding the three to a corner table in the (surprisingly small) cafe. Pao-Lin bends down and picks up the rabbit that came to greet them at the entrance, cuddling it as she takes a seat.]

Ahh, he's so fluffy!

[She's already halfway to wondering whether Natasha will allow her to buy a pet rabbit. She misses her pet turtle Slowpoke, left back with her parents, but you can't really cuddle a turtle. As she's scratching her bunny's head, however, her eyes also roam the cages along the shelves that house more floppy-eared creatures, though there are a few that free-roam the cafe.

(No lie: she's looking for a bunny that might look like Barnaby.)]

[ Ivan also takes a seat on a cushion at the low table. It's so there's easy access to food while also being close enough to the ground for easy access for bunny petting. Not all the rabbits are lop-eared or even the same breed. The cafe has a variety of bunnies for Stern Bild's diverse population.

Although, it doesn't take long before a golden-tan rabbit decides to take the initiative and hop right into Ivan's lap. He's very curious and puts his paws up on Ivan's chest to start sniffing at him. Ivan gently puts his hands on the rabbit to help support him... which only makes him climb even higher up his chest. Does he smell like paper? Do rabbits like paper? ]

Um... hello...?

[ One of the employees brings a small tray of hay and leafy greens to place at the top of the table. Look, the bunnies get food too. ]

[ Unlike the others, Barnaby seems more hesitant to dive right into things, so to speak. In fact, he seems as though he's slightly at a loss regarding how to proceed. It should be a fairly simple task, right? To pick up a bunny and to pet it like the other two are doing? But he doesn't seem sure, as though he isn't completely convinced that's what he came here for.

The other two will have to excuse him for a moment. Even when a bunny darts up to him and starts pawing at his shoes... hmm. Maybe he could pick it up. Carefully does it... ]

[Clearly Barnaby needs to take a cue from Pao-Lin, who is gleefully nuzzling her bunny and cooing at it. After the employee returns with small menus for them, Pao-Lin holds out the bunny.]

Hey, what's this guy's name?

["Bandit!" she replies. "Because of the black spots around his eyes that look like a mask."

Pao-Lin giggles and turns the bunny to face her again.]

Oh, if you're a bandit, I guess we'll have to arrest you, huh?

[Holds him out to Barnaby.]

Here! Why don't you arrest him for the points?

[YEAH SHE WENT THERE.]

Edited (edited for maximum awful) 2014-06-26 00:18 (UTC)

[ Meanwhile, Ivan is having a hard time with his rabbit. It keeps wanting to climb higher up on him with some kind of goal in mind. Ivan can't guess what it could be because he hasn't grabbed any food yet, but he'll make sure it doesn't hurt itself.

What harm can a bunny do to him? ]

Are you sure he's going to arrest him? That mask... makes him look like Wild Tiger.

[ That's it! ]

Barnaby! He's your partner, Wild Bunny!

[ Arrest him for the points? Wild Bunny? For a long moment, Barnaby is speechless. The attendants are giggling wildly at the thought of the bunny being Wild Tiger's stand in, and they even seem to be considering the idea of renaming him. How could this possibly have gone so wrong? This was a terrible, terrible idea.

But... but the other two seem to be enjoying themselves a lot. Shouldn't he simply deal with it?

Barnaby's mouth twitches as he tries to stop himself from frowning deeply. Instead... he reaches out to take the bunny so that he can cradle it for a while. Now he has two of them. ]

[Two? Make that three. Another employee comes up with a tan-colored rabbit and gleefully holds it out to Barnaby.

"Here!" she says. "We named this one after you!"]

[ He tries really hard not to laugh at his kouhai. He's trying really hard.

Okay, he's going to blame the laughs on how high this rabbit is climbing on him and nuzzling his chin. That is why he's laughing. This bunny is soft and ticklish and cute, and it has nothing to do with Barnaby having three rabbits in his lap. And it looks like other rabbits are starting to get curious, perhaps wondering if Barnaby has some treats to attract all those three bunnies.

Except for the rabbit Ivan has, which is starting to nibble on his hair... ]

[ “We named this one after you!”

Well now it would just be plain rude to refuse, wouldn’t it? And yet Barnaby seriously considers doing so for a few moments. His dignity can’t continue to sustain continuous damage like this, though he’s fairly sure that some of the attendants would have snapped pictures by now. And not just one, either – likely several. Enough to make any news outlet supremely happy for a few days.

There’s no backing down now… so Barnaby reaches out to take the third one. Trying not to think about how they’re nuzzling him and making themselves comfortable in his arms… or that they’re kind of cute. That just won’t do.

Help him, someone. Anyone. ]

[No help from the tiny god. She's scooped up another bunny (this one black) in one arm and her other is holding out her cell phone to take a picture of the bunny-covered Bunny. Fortunately, it's just one picture and she's snapping shots of the cafe in general and the bunny in her lap. In-between, she asks one of the attendants:]

Can we get some food to feed them?

[Pao-Lin's priorities are predictable.]

[ One of the employees direct Pao-Lin to the bowls of greens placed on the tables. Those aren't salads for the people, though they've heard about Barnaby's near vegetarian lifestyle. Maybe they should market something for that!

Don't worry, Kouhai. Senpai has got your back. Sort of. Because the bunny climbing on him has gotten very zealous with its climbing and nibbling. Ivan falls over to his back, and those extra bunnies that had been eyeing Barnaby (Because why does he have so many rabbits? Are there treats?) now decide to tackle the fallen hero. The employees start laughing and focusing on Ivan's antics.

And that bunny is still trying to eat his hair. It's not hay! ]

[ Unfortunately for Ivan, the first thought that comes to mind from Barnaby is at least someone else is being assaulted by bunnies this time. He's also grateful that he's not the one having his hair chewed on. That would be a fashion disaster. But, those thoughts aside, it seems as though he's finally learning to enjoy himself here.

The bunnies that he's holding seem quite content to settle down in his arms. The employees are whispering excitedly about the cute picture that these heroes present with their bunnies, even if they're unaware that two of them hold that status. But isn't this a great opportunity for a photo for their website? ]

[ He can't hold all these bunnies, and they don't seem to be letting him sit back up. Ivan tries to move one more time before surrendering to his bunny fate with his arms flopping to the ground. Here lies Ivan Karelin. Dead by bunnies. It's almost like Ivan will lay their peacefully for the whole visit as the bunnies hop on him. Yet, the nibbling bunny decides to climb on his face.

Ivan sputters and tries to pry it off him. One of the attendants finally offers a hand to the bunny stricken customer. After taking more pictures for the cafe scrapbook, of course. Plus, she's able to get a little closer to her idol in the process. He looks so much more handsome in person. Can they contact his publicist for rights to use his photo for the cafe? Maybe they can offer free visits for the hero. Private bookings too! (Would her boss approve of the idea? ~~liek omg~~ It's Barnaby Brooks Jr.!!)

Finally able to sit up again now that the rabbits have been, temporarily, shooed away from the ninja, the attendant places the nibbling bunny back into his lap. "Sorry about that. I think it really likes you. Normally, it's so shy. We almost thought that it would never get from behind things." ]

[ At the comment about the rabbit liking to hide behind things, Barnaby forces himself to stifle his amusement. If only the attendants realised just how similar to Ivan that description actually was, he’d say that the bunny was perfectly suited to the young hero. But he can’t actually get away with saying something like that, not wanting to give the attendants any reason to be suspicious. He’s trying his best not to draw any additional attention to the two of them today.

For now, he seems surprisingly content with the bunnies that he’s managed to accumulate. Suddenly there are a lot of attendants focused around them, mostly taking a lot of pictures of them. Particularly of him, but for once he doesn’t seem to notice where the cameras are in relation to himself. He seems content to sit there, stroking the bunny in his lap. It seems to have fallen asleep already. Just like its namesake… ]

I believe we may well have to stay longer than the intended timeframe. What do the two of you think?

Sounds good to me!

[Pao-Lin hopes they won't get any calls from HeroTV today. She just wants to roll around on the floor with all the bunnies! Buuuut if she actually did that she might run the risk of squishing them, and that wouldn't be good at all. Pao-Lin contentedly scratches the head of a bunny clinging to her thigh.

"So, Mr. Barnaby," one of the employees says as she lowers her camera, "how's your motorcycle? I heard it broke down recently."

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh nutbunnies.]

[ What is that foreboding aura of doom filling the room? Ivan feels as if his heart stopped. He hardly notices that the nibbling bunny is once more attempting its climb to resume trying to snack on Ivan's hair. (Bunny stop that. You'll get sick.)

Why does that question sound so familiar? ]

M-Motorcycle? Broken?

[ His eyes go wide. As if in slow motion, Ivan turns his head towards Pao-Lin. They couldn't possibly mean... Did those three girls...? This was never supposed to get out for a million different reasons. Ivan's going to get into so much trouble. ]

[ Just what was this about? Barnaby turns to pin Ivan with an unsure look for a moment; his reaction tells him everything that he needs to know. Whatever happened isn't relevant at this point in time, but it will become so soon enough. Oh, will it.

He smiles at the employee with something of a strained expression. He has to take a moment to remind himself that this is for the greater good. ]

I managed to have it repaired without incident. Thank you for your concern.

[ Someone would have to try and piece Pao-Lin and Ivan back together after all of this was over, too. ]

[The employee claps her hands together in relief. "Oh, that's good! I bet it was a pain having to hitchhike on the highway like that. Hopefully you won't have to do it again." She laughs, and then adds conspiratorially: "So, you like Asian girls, huh?"

Forget death by bunnies. Ivan and Pao-Lin are going to suffer death by Bunny.]

Edited (because bad puns needed to be made) 2014-07-30 09:41 (UTC)

[ They are so dead. Ivan has gone a deathly shade of pale, almost like Judge Petrov. Yet for looking like he's about to pass out where he sits, Ivan becomes surprisingly and uncharacteristically loud. ]

I-I heard that-that one was just an impostor or a impersonator!

[ Like that one anthology comic. ]

I-I mean... d-doesn't Origami Cyclone seem like the type? A-All that Japanese culture... he-he-he's probably not even Japanese! An-an-and he shapeshifts!

[ Perfect plan. Let's drag Origami Cyclone through the mud filled with sharp rocks. He can survive his blog getting flamed by angry Barnaby fans for daring to just try to get him and Pao-Lin back home. He'll take one for the team, whichever "team" this is right now. ]

[

For the moment Barnaby is going to stay completely silent. Part of it is due to seeing if the other two could worm their way out of that one, and the other was due to not wanting to answer the employee's question. Usually he had a much easier time deflecting those kinds of questions... but right now, he didn't feel particularly inclined to.

Would this even get better? Or would it get so much worse first? ]

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